It is beyond me that she made me a mama almost a decade ago. I can’t believe I have a 9-year-old. I beat myself up a lot about the job I am doing as a mom – as most of us do. I never really made a ton of comparisons before this year when it came to decisions I have made in raising our children. It wasn’t until this year that I saw a fiery passion in our daughter’s eyes when she was learning about softball. It became apparent to me, all of the sudden, that some of the children she was playing this sport with have been playing since they could walk. And it SHOWED!
I felt a pit grow in my stomach and doubts started creeping in about the type of mother I am. Why hadn’t I introduced her to softball sooner? There was that one year in gymnastics when she was 2 and she stood aghast when recital day game. And then there were the 3 years in soccer where she ran around like a little velociraptor with her arms tucked in and no idea which direction to run. I had come to terms that maybe sports wasn’t in her niche. Heck, perhaps it isn’t something she continues to pursue.
Regardless, my thoughts that I was doing something wrong consumed me. One day I was discussing this with my sister-in-law who has two very successful daughters that are beasts on the softball field. We were at a tournament and Addie was so nervous and not playing her best. The game had ended and they were getting ready to snap a picture when Addie immediately posed and gave her best smile. My SIL turned and looked at me and said, she knows how to pose for pictures! And I broke out in laughter.
The truth set in for me that day. The truth is that I am doing the best job I can. It is so easy to compare your child to other smarter/more athletic/ more skilled children. It is so easy to beat yourself up and believe the lies that you aren’t enough.
But, our Adelina is our Adelina. There is no one like her and I know her best. She is so comfortable with being behind the camera and this year she got creative with me as I tried desperately to find inspiration again. She is a creative soul and gravitates toward music and art. She is learning how to play the violin and she is perfect. We are raising a resilient and talented little girl with a heart of gold.